


Retrospect

by gracethedisasterace



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Barricade Day, F/M, Fluff, Stream of Consciousness, enjonine - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracethedisasterace/pseuds/gracethedisasterace
Summary: Eponine Thenardier had never been very good at quick decision making. Overthinking and emotional thought spirals, however, that she could do.
Relationships: Enjolras/Éponine Thénardier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Retrospect

The mind races when it is caught by surprise. Thoughts swirl and storm like a tempest inside your head. Eternity seems to pass by in a single second of racing thoughts and beating pulses. 

Eponine Thenardier was always prone to runaway trains of thought that leapt and jumped from one place to another with reckless abandon. True, utter shock only magnified this. And nothing, nothing, could be more shocking than what Enjolras was clearly about to do. 

He'd done some scandalous things in the past, that was certain. Even the act of talking to her, a poor young girl, daughter of the leader of the Patron-Minette, was a horrible scandal. At least, it should have been. But Enjolras didn’t care. She was simply another person to him, he refused to think any more or any less of her because of what her parents were, what they had forced her to do. 

She had rolled her eyes. That's where this started. She rolled her eyes in the back of a meeting Marius had dragged her to, and Enjolras saw her. He had stared at her for the briefest of seconds, with the strangest of lights in his eyes. That was the first time she had noticed his eyes, so deeply blue, like the ocean in a storm. And then he'd smiled, like he knew something she didn't. It was absolutely infuriating. 

When he'd finished speaking, he walked over to where she was sitting and pulled a chair up beside her. He introduced himself and began asking her what she thought of the meeting, of the group, of everything wrong in the world. 

Their strange friendship grew quickly. After every meeting, he would come sit by her and ask how he could improve himself. And the funny thing was, he actually did it. He listened to her and changed. 

But she always held back on her opinions of him, kept her distance from too much friendship, until she saw him with Gavroche. They were such good friends in the most honest, moral sort of way. Enjolras played with the boy and took care of his needs, but also treated him with a kind of respect for human dignity she never saw given to children.To Enjolras, Gavroche was a citizen, an equal, he just happened to be a little smaller and more dependant on others. 

Eponine wished she’d had someone that treated her that way when she was young. She was always expected to stay out of the way, or to take the blame when she was caught stealing for her father. More than anything, she was grateful that her brother wouldn’t suffer at his hands like she did. Enjolras was far more of an actual father to Gavroche than theirs would ever be. 

Looking back, she realized that was when she knew. It took her months and months to understand, but when she saw Enjolras, her friend, the caring leader of a daring rebellion, practically adopt her brother that she could never provide for, she knew he was different. She knew he would be important to her for their rest of their lives.. She just never expected she would fall in love with him. 

That was her biggest mistake, of course, falling in love with her friend. They became close very suddenly, spending countless late nights talking about anything and everything. He brought her books he thought she would enjoy. He paid for her meals at the Musain, always careful to say it was for his own gentlemanly conscience, not because of her economic situation. She saw through that in an instant, but really, the most attractive man she had ever met was buying her things and spending time with her, she didn’t mind his attention. 

In fact, she needed his gentlemanly conscience some times. There came a few days where her father was in a rage, or Montparrnasse was feeling lonely, or any number of reasons she’d rather not think about at this specific moment, where going home was a death sentence. Enjolras had been her savior, her angel in disguise. He’d offered her his home, let her stay with him when her parent’s rooms weren’t an option. 

It had been awkward the first night. Enjolras was a simple person, he didn’t have some lush apartment or grand house. He had a normal apartment, like any other student in Paris might have. She was far more comfortable there than she ever was in Valjean’s house. The issue arose when they both realized that having a modest apartment meant having only one bed. But Enjolras, ever a gentleman, refused to let it change her mind. He offered to share the bed with her. 

“You’re my best friend, Eponine,” he said. “I would do the same for Theo or Bastien, it’s only fair that I do it for you too.” 

So she went along with it. She had a horrible crush on the man, and she ended up sleeping in his arms, wearing one of his old shirts because he didn’t want her to sleep in her dress. And she had loved every second of it. He was so… Soft. And warm. And kind. And handsome. And muscular. And utterly, completely perfect. 

She smiled at the memory. Oh, she had no idea on that first night where she would be now. 

Eventually, Eponine began staying with Enjolras more and more. His apartment felt more like home than anywhere else she’d ever lived. She couldn’t exactly name how, but it felt right , it felt like that was where she was always meant to be. And Enjolras didn’t mind her presence. He said he missed her the days where she went home with Azelma instead of him. 

“I get lonely,” he’d admitted, quiet and almost embarrassed. “It’s nice to have you here. It’s too quiet without you.” 

So one day, she went to her parent’s place, picked up what few possessions she had that they wouldn’t miss, and moved in with Enjolras for good. Never again would she worry about finding Montparrnasse watching her sleep, never again would she wake up to her father’s drunken   
singing. From now on, she would always sleep warm and comfortable with her best friend, safe and secure. 

But as far as sleeping tangled up with the person she had the worst, most painful crush on, that was a little more difficult. He had always been attractive, of course, in a sort of statuesque way. But from up close, his features were so soft and ultimately human. There was nothing harsh or stoney about his face. All too often, she had to resist the urge to reach up, feel his face, see if it was as soft and gentle as it looked. 

Then one day, she stopped resisting the urge. Enjolras had come home late, worryingly late, so late that she was already in bed and half asleep when he got home. He said he’d been visiting Ferre, but she wasn’t entirely sure he was telling the truth. He seemed distressed in some way, some way she just couldn’t understand. So, being the kind friend she was, she did what she could. She hugged him. 

But this time, it didn’t help at all. In fact, when she hugged him, he jumped away from her as if she had hurt him. It scared her, she wasn’t afraid to say. She didn’t want to ruin their friendship or drive him away. When he went to sleep on the other side of the bed, abandoning their accustomed sleeping position in favor of personal space, she was worried that maybe life as she had grown to know it would never be the same. 

Her hunch had been entirely right. That evening, he’d taken her to a garden, which wasn’t exactly uncommon. Both of them liked to sit in the night air sometimes, and public gardens were always their favorite places to spend a few quiet moments together. 

But this time, she knew it wouldn’t be quiet. Enjolras was restless, he had been all day. She had never seen him so fidgety, so nervous. When they sat down by the rose bushes, she knew something big must be coming. There could be no other reason he would take her to her favorite place, her favorite stone bench next to her favorite blood red roses, not jus for some innocuous conversation. 

“There’s something I need to confess, Ponine,” he’d said. “There’s no clean or easy way to say it, so I’ll just say it plainly.” He took her hands in his and looked her in the eye. “I’m in love with you, Eponine. I can’t tell you how long that’s been the case, but I’ve let it go on longer than I should have. If you want to find somewhere else to stay, I’ll understand. You shouldn’t have to share a bed with me. The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable. I’m so sorry, Eponine.” 

She’s kissed him immediately, of course. 

God, he had the cutest shocked expression after that. She remembered how he stuttered and blushed, completely confused. He muttered something about thinking she was still in love with Marius. 

“It’s never been him,” she told him. “It’s always been you.” 

They spent almost an hour in that garden, telling each other the extent of their loves, kissing softly under the evening sky, not asking about the future, only enjoying the present. 

That was the other thing she loved so much about Enjolras. He was so painstakingly gentle. Every smile, every touch, every kiss, was so soft and loving, as if he was afraid of breaking her. No one had ever treated her that way in her life. He was different from the other men she knew, and she loved him for it. 

Like the time she tripped on their way home from the Musain. She and Grantaire had gotten into a bit of a drinking game and she ended up slightly shakier in her feet than normal. A loose cobblestone was her literal downfall. Enjolras smiled at her as she lay in a tumbled heap on the ground, bemoaning her aching ankle. Without any particular ceremony, he’d reached down and scooped her up, carrying her like a fairy tale princess. 

She’d thrashed and squirmed, of course. The position was far too intimate. She didn’t trust herself, so loving cradled in his arms as if they were newlyweds. 

“Please put me down,” she’s said. “It’s only a sprained ankle.” 

He refused, and carried her all the way to their apartment, strong grip never relaxing until he laid her down on their bed. 

Her face reddened at the memory. She had been right not to trust herself. The rest of their activities that night did not bear remembering in public. 

To this day, she still couldn’t believe Alain Enjolras chose her, worshipped her, loved her no matter what. Her life was once such a nightmare, she didn’t think she truly deserved such pure, unending love. But he didn’t care about what she thought she deserved. He loved her, and that was the end of the story. 

Still, a part of Eponine was always worried. The planned revolution grew ever nearer. Soon, all of them would be facing possible death for the greater good. It scared her. What if the people didn’t rise like Enjolras thought they would? What if one or both of them died on the barricades? Could she expect Enjolras to go on without her? Did she even want him to? Was there any possible way for her to cope in a world where Enjolras died and she survived? 

But this was not the ending of the story. In fact, now might even be its beginning. Her mind calmed its racing, stopped its reviewing of past memories and obsessing over possible futures. She watched as Enjolras knelt in front of her, in the same garden where he first confessed his love. 

“I know we’ve talked about this before, but I’m tired of just talking,” he said, his words almost swallowed by the heavy night air. “I love you. I have since the moment we met, even if I didn’t realize it until far later. You are the love of my life, Eponine Thenardier. I can’t promise you an easy life, I certainly can’t promise you a safe life, but I know I can promise you a life filled with love and eternal devotion.” He reached into his coat and pulled out a beautiful, ornate ring. “Will you marry me?” 

She didn’t try to stop the tears from flowing freely down her cheeks. “Yes, Alain,” she breathed, voice barely more than a whisper. “Nothing in this world could make me happier.” 

He smiled, just as tearful as she was, as he slid the ring onto her finger. He kissed her fiercely, almost possessively. 

“I love you, Alain,” she said. There was nothing more she could say, those words were the only way to convey all the emotion, all the promise she felt. 

“And I always will,” he whispered. 

Eponine sighed as she leaned her head on her fiancé’s shoulder. She felt stronger, safer than she ever had before. In that moment, Eponine knew she was invincible. Let the national guard come and try to tear them apart. She would fight for her love, and she would win. They would all win. A new day would dawn over Paris, and she and Enjolras would face it side by side. 

They would be together always, in this life and the next.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Barricade Day, everyone. Stay strong, stay safe, fight the good fight, we'll get through this. I love you all, and I hope this brought you a little happiness in this dark time ❤️🖤❤️


End file.
